Referendum – The Big Oil Leak?

I never expect Wednesday to a quiet day.  PM questions is my regular relief from tinnitus – although I’m not sure which is worse.  Today it was the turn of Deputy PM questions.  Sometimes I feel sorry for Nick (the fall guy) Clegg.  He looks ever more like the guy who has been found guilty and awaits sentencing in 2015.

I didn’t have to wait long for my daily dose of fear.  Scotland has just announced a £4.4Bn hole in the finances, due to falling North Sea oil revenues?  The cynic in me found it strange that after a steady flow since 1975 the cash falls off a cliff just ahead of the Referendum!  Now there’s luck for the Better Together lot.

Willie Rennie, the leader of the Scottish Liberals, – were they not big in the 60’s? – jumps on the debate with an insult to the Scottish people.  He seems to think that Yes voters are betting everything on oil revenue?  You’re wrong Willie, we also make tartan hankies!  Unfortunately, Willie’s words are as hollow as a promise on tuition fees.  Size isn’t everything?  but it helps a great deal.  Scotland has some of the most clever people in the world, it has a unique brand for its engineering expertise, it is a world leader in medicine, it gave much of the world the basis of their legal systems, we gave the world banking expertise (until the fat cats got their snouts in the trough), we lead the world in renewable energy (that’s a good one), the country sits on coal, our water is pure nectar and plentiful, we had one of the best education systems in the world, we’ve got fish off our shores ready to give themselves up, when we travel abroad everybody loves us (sorry that was a low blow), we have one of the most beautiful countries in the world – Oh, and did I mention the tartan hankies?  Willie, enjoy your political career, at least until 19th September!  but remember, we Scots are a charitable people and our door is always open to a convert – Yes you can?

There couldn’t possibly be any tampering going on, could there?  Hmm.  Back in the day, 1985 I was at Uni and we were looking at oil fractioning and extraction.  My vision of a kid sucking coke through a straw until the can announced that rattle of emptiness now seemed simplistic.  Oil is not like that.  There is a usually a big pool that gets sucked up, but the oil can be trapped in various other forms, e.g. like a giant sponge.  There can be vast amounts.  The problem is it becomes more difficult and more expensive to extract but this is well established technology.  Of course this places a dependency on investment.  Without the investment the oil extraction slows and the revenue drops.

Now, my uncle Poirot would call all the parties into the front room at this point and announce the culprit!  Who was it that raised the taxes on North Sea oil? When did they do that?  ‘For Hercule Poirot, this is simple’.  But we Scots are not so simple!

However, there is a much more important point here.  Over the past few months we have seen a concerted effort to crack down on benefit cheats.  Benefits Street has held the headlines shining a light on a sub-culture who live off the state with no wish or prospect of paying their way.  Old IDS (Ian Duncan Smith) has unleashed his Universal Benefit to ensure that benefits only go to the needy – that’s a euphemism for northerners.  Put simply, if you run out of cash, don’t put your hand out, tighten your belt, spend less.

So here’s the thing.  Ian Gray, Labour, was on the Scottish News.  He announced the £4.4Bn hole in the Scottish finances with a sense of glee and made the immediate link to Better Together.  As the North Sea revenues dry up, Scotland has less money and this is all the more reason to stay together.  But hold on a cotton pickin’ minute Ian.  Is that not what you and your new chums (the Tory’s) have been going on about with benefit scroungers – and now you are using this as an argument for Scotland to remain in the UK?  Are you seriously advocating that Scotland becomes a bunch of benefit scroungers on a national scale.  What if we did vote NO?  Put simply, if you run out of cash, don’t put your hand out, tighten your belt, spend less…  Oops!

Whale, Oil, Beef, Oct (say it quickly)